As hazy as the smoke that filled the room, my mind struggles to see clearly those memories. It’s as if they are as shattered as the mirror that my brother used to slide down, over your waterbed. Close enough together to see a reflection, but on top of a house whose foundation is quicksand. Requiring me to sink into a pool larger than king size and more dangerous than a cut on his backside. I remember turning the corner of your door way, finding you sitting in your chair in the late afternoon. The sun slicing through the window blinds creating an atmospheric tiger hunting for my comfort and ease. Still unable to decide if your face is hidden due to the darkness in the room or in me, I move towards you. But while I am unable to see, I can feel so much; you radiate a level of emotional anguish I am unable to know. You pull me into your arms, hold me tight, hold me closer than ever before; as if I could be reborn. It’s only at this distance I witness the intensity and heartache in your eyes and see their reverberation. It’s here you tell me about happy accidents, predestination, and worshiping the ways of God. It’s here, where a spiritual seed is sown into my young heart, with no wayside, no rocks and no thorns.
You say: It was seven years following the first, but now only seven months following the second, jackpot. I carried you as a pediatric night nurse, surrounded by babies, crying out to God, why would you do this? I couldn’t afford another, I couldn’t take care of another, I don’t need…. I don’t want another baby! This can’t be what you have in store for this family; this doesn’t make a, single bit of sense.
He says: I know you do not want him, and so he is not yours; he shall be Mine, and be a man after My own heart. He will pass through you; you will raise him, and care for Him but will offer him to Me for My purpose.
The time for my arrival has almost come; I am arriving early, combined with another small problem. The umbilical cord, sustaining my life is wrapped around my neck, taking my life. An emergency C-section has to be done.
You say: I don’t understand, you give me a baby that I don’t want but now you are taking him away.
He says: In every circumstance, in every detail, I AM; everything from his conception, birth and life will be a testimony for Me.
It’s now only thirty-five years later and I am already having to say good-bye to you; how can I go on?
He says: You passed through her, she raised you and cared for you, but you were born to be a man after My own heart. You were born through her but not of her. Remember the unfeigned faith I put in you that dwelt first in her but also dwelt inside of her mother. You are a David, a Samuel, a Timothy; from your conception through your near-death birth to right now, I AM. Because she was faithful to testify to you of Me and My ways; she will be part of that great cloud of witnesses. And because she taught you from a babe to know the sacred writings that have made you wise unto salvation; continue in the things which you have learned and have been assured of, knowing who you learned them from. Now, my child and man of God, according to the prophecies previously made concerning you; war the good warfare.
Matt. 13:1-23; Luke 6:47-49; 1 Tim. 1:18, 6:11 ; 2 Tim. 1:5, 3:14-15; Heb. 3:10, Heb. 12:1
COMING FORWARD 